okteiviakom: ([spec] reading like a weirdo)
For all that Octavia, Duke and Lucifer were in Los Angeles under a looming sense of foreboding like time was about to run out, there also seemed to be nothing but time. Octavia was doing her best to adjust, to build new routines away from the island. Going back to the ship to take care of her plants, finding hiking trails she liked (whenever the weather didn't feel like it was out to kill her), trying to -- just trying to stay busy. Keep active.

But some days the body felt like it needed to rest. And sometimes Octavia even gave into that instead of pushing forward. Today was one of those, so she was reading a book in Lucifer's living room, her back against the floor and her feet up on the couch.

Well, she was pretending to read, anyway.

See, there were downsides to letting herself be still - like how much louder it made all kinds of thoughts she'd been ignoring and repressing and holding back. Thoughts about things like Heaven, and Hell, and how it was July 2nd again and she didn't even know if Bellamy was alive like her or dead like their mother.

(Where was their mother?)

There was a certain kind of loneliness that didn't touch her often, but when it did, it hurt.

But at least she was holding her book the correct way up?

[ooc: NFB for distance, but open for all the usual.]
okteiviakom: ([neu] new patterns)
Tonight, Lux was going to be packed and loud again, but this early on a Friday morning, the club wasn't only quiet but deserted. Which made it the perfect place for Octavia to sneak down to for her therapy. In previous weeks, she'd usually just gone out on Lucifer's balcony and kept her voice down for these Friday sessions that happened before neither Duke nor Lucifer tended to even be up yet, but this week...

This had seemed more right. Taking over the empty club, sitting at the grand piano with her phone.

Not that that had made her feel like she could be much more open with her therapist than she had in the last couple of weeks. Until this trip, she hadn't felt much reason to censor what she told Dr. Baker, but there was something about having to talk about God messing up your relationship that she didn't entirely want to get into. Not quite at that level, anyway.

In the end, in this particular session, she largely just ended up venting about love (sometimes it just feels like putting a name on things just makes it more complicated) and rejection (I swear he asked me that ten years ago, and now I'm right back here again) and loss (just feels like something's ending, and I should be able to stop it, but he just keeps looking at me like--).

And once her hour was up, she... stayed where she was. Closed the video chat app, opened a browser.

Looked up Portalocity.

Looked at portals to Fandom.

And wished for a vacation.

[ooc: Open for texts, calls, and those that are here if they so wish.]

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Octavia Blake

July 2025

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