Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Night

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had been feeling kind of... restless, this week. But keeping it to herself, because Duke had been having a rougher time, and anyway, it was fine. This feeling came and went, and Octavia was used to it.

(Though it really would have been great if Dr. Baker had been able to squeeze her in during some other time this week, after the regular Tuesday session got cancelled.)

It was Sunday now, anyway. Food and cider and hopefully a good time? Octavia had even channeled some of her twitchiness into prepping dessert, earlier. "The fruit's all ready in the fridge," she said, as she got up to clear away the dinner plates. "The white chocolate on them should have set by now."

Spoken like she actually knew anything and hadn't just grabbed the instructions from Google this morning.

[ooc: For the guy.]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

"Somewhere in the middle of saying 'disappointing' twenty-five times," Octavia muttered.

[my_own_advocate]

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't always experience the best of what humanity had to offer," Lucifer said irritably. "I have met good people. Usually fleetingly, because as you might recall, I didn't usually get to be here for very long periods of time, among many other factors."

[okteiviakom]

"I already said I didn't want to keep talking about this," Octavia replied. Quiet, defeated. "You're just getting mad at me."

[my_own_advocate]

"Not talking about it is hardly going to make me less mad or you less-- whatever you seem to be feeling," Lucifer said. (He'd spent the day trying not to comment on Octavia's state of mind, as long as she was trying not to make it obvious. And then, this.) "Do you even understand why this makes me upset?"

[okteiviakom]

"I'd have an easier time getting there if I wasn't upset."

Which was a key reason for why she was trying to get out of this conversation. Everything felt too raw, so everything seemed like knives.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a loud breath.

He didn't say anything.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia didn't, either.

Something slack about her, now. As much as there could be about someone still standing on her own two feet.

At least her heartbeat had stopped thundering in her ears.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer had briefly considered letting her go. And then the slackness had set in.

So instead he just remained silent, staring at the back wall.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia needed to go through a few rounds of her breathing, again. Something needed to settle a little before she could do... anything. About anything.

In the silence of the room, the sound felt noisy to her.

[my_own_advocate]

It was loud, wasn't it? Almost painfully so.

Lucifer watched the curtains move, just slightly, with a small breeze.

[okteiviakom]

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Over and over.

And over.

Her eyes squeezed shut.

"I don't know what you're upset about," she said, finally. It sounded apologetic, more than anything. And it was quiet. "I've only been half-hearing you."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a long breath.

"I'm upset," he said finally, "because it feels as if you are treating me as any interchangeable immortal who must have some kind of definitive and objective opinion of humanity, and I am not. I am-- just me."

[okteiviakom]

"Oh," Octavia murmured. "I wasn't trying to. I was just... surprised."

Wait, no, that wasn't it.

"I was shocked," she amended. "That your experience was that bad, even outside of Hell."

[my_own_advocate]

"It wasn't bad," Lucifer murmured. "It was certainly better than Hell. I had a lot of great sex and ate incredible food and-- ah, the creative ways humanity has learned to play with alcohol. But I was also blamed for all of humanity's sins. The humans who came to me, did so because they wanted something from me. And they certainly didn't always make the best of what they received."

[okteiviakom]

"But I couldn't even get you to say that much about the good."

Something in her voice broke a little at the end, there.

[my_own_advocate]

"I think you got a touch sidetracked by the wrong questions, love," Lucifer said, giving her a bit of a squeeze.

[okteiviakom]

"What were the right ones?"

[my_own_advocate]

"You could have just asked me to tell you about good times I did have, or good people I had met," Lucifer said gently. "I have my fair share of stories."

[okteiviakom]

"I was trying to," Octavia murmured. "In ways you weren't hearing."

[my_own_advocate]

"It just sounded like you were accusing me of-- well, being too negative about humanity, or being so negative about humanity that you weren't salvagable," Lucifer said slowly. "And you kept telling me to stop calling you special, which, darling, if you want someone to tell you you aren't, you shouldn't be asking one of your life partners."

[okteiviakom]

"There's a time to be calling me special, niron," Octavia replied gently. "I know I am that to you."

She sighed, and finally opened her eyes again, even if it was just to look at the wall.

"I think what I'm learning here is... That it's still a new luxury for me, being able to think of people as just... indvidual people. Most of my life, every big thing, and all the worst things have revolved around humanity's survival."

And it was a huge thing to carry, even as the background radiation of your life.

[my_own_advocate]

"Mm," Lucifer said. "Hence all the arguments about humanity as a whole, and the 'treat me as another human'?"

[okteiviakom]

"I never said that," Octavia muttered. "I was just trying to get you to talk about other examples."

[my_own_advocate]

"That is... entirely not what I got from all that," Lucifer admitted.

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah, I've come to understand that." Just getting more muttery. "Sorry."