Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Night

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had been feeling kind of... restless, this week. But keeping it to herself, because Duke had been having a rougher time, and anyway, it was fine. This feeling came and went, and Octavia was used to it.

(Though it really would have been great if Dr. Baker had been able to squeeze her in during some other time this week, after the regular Tuesday session got cancelled.)

It was Sunday now, anyway. Food and cider and hopefully a good time? Octavia had even channeled some of her twitchiness into prepping dessert, earlier. "The fruit's all ready in the fridge," she said, as she got up to clear away the dinner plates. "The white chocolate on them should have set by now."

Spoken like she actually knew anything and hadn't just grabbed the instructions from Google this morning.

[ooc: For the guy.]

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[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded. "And in the process, you made a mistake."

[okteiviakom]

"One way to put it."

Her voice didn't sound pretty, there.

[my_own_advocate]

"You did something horrific," Lucifer amended.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded against his chest.

"What I felt like I had to."

[my_own_advocate]

"So why do you regret it?" Lucifer asked. "And not the rest?"

He'd more or less given his theory, but, well.

[okteiviakom]

Another short silence, before: "Because it was the only time where it feels like I had a choice."

So... More or less his theory.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded.

"As I said," he murmured, "It makes sense."

[okteiviakom]

"I asked for other options, other solutions, so many times," Octavia muttered. The Dark Year, in particular, came to mind. "No one ever had anything."

[my_own_advocate]

"There was another option, but it involved all of you dying," Lucifer noted. "Your way involved less death. But it did need someone to pull the lever. Someone to bear the blame."

[okteiviakom]

"Me."

Something heavy about it, but guess that was to be expected.

"Osleya."

[my_own_advocate]

"And I don't know if I believe you ever should feel remorse for it."

Quiet.

[okteiviakom]

Maybe Octavia found that surprising, but it didn't show.

"I don't know if a lot of people agree with you."

[my_own_advocate]

"That's never stopped me from having an opinion," Lucifer noted.

[okteiviakom]

"Hasn't stopped you from a lot of things," Octavia agreed, quieter. Softer?

He was the first person she'd told the whole truth about the bunker to, after all. And he was still here.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You survived," he said. "In desperate times."

[okteiviakom]

"And I paid for it." She tried burrowing more against his chest. "So I guess all of this was why it was so hard to take being special, tonight."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a soft sigh. "Certainly not special like that," he said, hugging her closer.

[okteiviakom]

"Sometimes when all this comes back, I feel like humanity's worst," Octavia admitted. Quiet and mild. "Makes it hard."

Also made it easy to flip out.

[my_own_advocate]

"Especially when I start sorting humans into piles of who I like and who I don't like, hm?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded. "Talking about how many people are disappointing when I'm somehow not."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded.

Another kiss to the top of her head.

[okteiviakom]

"Like if I did all that and thought I became the worst for it, and then it turns out everyone else is supposedly worse..."

She shook her head. Gently, though, not wanting to jostle him.

"I'm sorry." Yes, still. "Usually I'm better at containing the crazy to therapy."

[my_own_advocate]

"It's all right," Lucifer said softly. "You stayed. That's what matters."

[okteiviakom]

"You held on," Octavia murmured in response.

[my_own_advocate]

"I know you sometimes need me to," Lucifer said, barely a whisper.