Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Night

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had been feeling kind of... restless, this week. But keeping it to herself, because Duke had been having a rougher time, and anyway, it was fine. This feeling came and went, and Octavia was used to it.

(Though it really would have been great if Dr. Baker had been able to squeeze her in during some other time this week, after the regular Tuesday session got cancelled.)

It was Sunday now, anyway. Food and cider and hopefully a good time? Octavia had even channeled some of her twitchiness into prepping dessert, earlier. "The fruit's all ready in the fridge," she said, as she got up to clear away the dinner plates. "The white chocolate on them should have set by now."

Spoken like she actually knew anything and hadn't just grabbed the instructions from Google this morning.

[ooc: For the guy.]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

That was what he got for trying to get ahead of her.

She went willingly into the embrace, though. Just sank right in.

[my_own_advocate]

Oh, good. Moments like this, Lucifer was always worried his instincts would fail him.

But this was good. She fit perfectly into his arms, as always.

[okteiviakom]

Tucking her head under his chin and everything, yes. Winding her own arms tight around his waist.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer took a deep breath, and then relaxed into it himself, closing his eyes.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia breathed him in. For a good, long moment. Letting his warmth seep to her through layers of fabric.

Then she murmured, "Sometimes I just feel worse." A little pause for thought, for the right words. "Like everything comes back sharper and stronger."

[my_own_advocate]

"Like just now," Lucifer murmured.

He was trying to keep the question mark out of his voice.

[okteiviakom]

"Like for the past two weeks."

They hadn't triggered anything new here.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded. Very gently. It wasn't like she couldn't feel him doing it. "And then your therapy appointment was cancelled."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's own nod was similar.

"And the previous session was rough."

And had led to her showing up at the club, and, well.

[my_own_advocate]

"I'm sorry," Lucifer murmured. "That can't be easy."

And he just kept stepping in it.

[okteiviakom]

"No," Octavia agreed, "it's not."

Another sigh, almost something frustrated about it.

"I can put more years between myself and it, but there's a six-year black hole in my life and I don't think I will ever be far enough from it that it can't all just come... rushing back."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's hand slid up, running over her hair. Trying to soothe, like this little thing might help just a little both.

[okteiviakom]

It didn't, really, but it was a good effort.

"Eventually I always remember I'm a monster."

She said it like a fact, in the same tone she might have stated that she had green eyes.

[my_own_advocate]

"You did monstrous things," Lucifer said quietly. "That isn't the same."

[okteiviakom]

"Yes it is if you don't regret all of them."

[my_own_advocate]

I'm not so sure, Lucifer wanted to say, but he held it in. "Which ones don't you regret?"

[okteiviakom]

"Do you really want to get into that?"

Her voice had gone lower.

[my_own_advocate]

"Only if you want to," Lucifer said. Quiet, but not entirely soft. "But you know who I am, Octavia, you're hardly going to shock my delicate sensibilities."

[okteiviakom]

A short silence followed. Octavia's fingertips tapped a short rhythm against his back - something marchy about it - then stopped.

"I can make this easier." Not emotionally, no. "The one thing I do regret... is burning down the farm."

Which Octavia felt also encompassed everything that had happened after, too.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer thought about that, and...

"That... makes a surprising amount of sense," he murmured.

[okteiviakom]

"Does it?"

Octavia didn't sound surprised. But then, she didn't sound like much of anything.

[my_own_advocate]

"There's a justification beyond the personal for everything that happened in the bunker," Lucifer said. "The farm, however, was all your ambition."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia gave a dry huff - or maybe that was just a breath? "It wasn't ambition," she rasped. "It was fear."

[my_own_advocate]

"Fear of loss?"

That was a question, damn it.

[okteiviakom]

Maybe he needed to not impose such strict rules on himself.

"That," Octavia allowed. "And fear of... everything I'd done before then, everything we'd endured, just turning meaningless. Every sacrifice undone."