Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Night

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had been feeling kind of... restless, this week. But keeping it to herself, because Duke had been having a rougher time, and anyway, it was fine. This feeling came and went, and Octavia was used to it.

(Though it really would have been great if Dr. Baker had been able to squeeze her in during some other time this week, after the regular Tuesday session got cancelled.)

It was Sunday now, anyway. Food and cider and hopefully a good time? Octavia had even channeled some of her twitchiness into prepping dessert, earlier. "The fruit's all ready in the fridge," she said, as she got up to clear away the dinner plates. "The white chocolate on them should have set by now."

Spoken like she actually knew anything and hadn't just grabbed the instructions from Google this morning.

[ooc: For the guy.]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"You did monstrous things," Lucifer said quietly. "That isn't the same."

[okteiviakom]

"Yes it is if you don't regret all of them."

[my_own_advocate]

I'm not so sure, Lucifer wanted to say, but he held it in. "Which ones don't you regret?"

[okteiviakom]

"Do you really want to get into that?"

Her voice had gone lower.

[my_own_advocate]

"Only if you want to," Lucifer said. Quiet, but not entirely soft. "But you know who I am, Octavia, you're hardly going to shock my delicate sensibilities."

[okteiviakom]

A short silence followed. Octavia's fingertips tapped a short rhythm against his back - something marchy about it - then stopped.

"I can make this easier." Not emotionally, no. "The one thing I do regret... is burning down the farm."

Which Octavia felt also encompassed everything that had happened after, too.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer thought about that, and...

"That... makes a surprising amount of sense," he murmured.

[okteiviakom]

"Does it?"

Octavia didn't sound surprised. But then, she didn't sound like much of anything.

[my_own_advocate]

"There's a justification beyond the personal for everything that happened in the bunker," Lucifer said. "The farm, however, was all your ambition."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia gave a dry huff - or maybe that was just a breath? "It wasn't ambition," she rasped. "It was fear."

[my_own_advocate]

"Fear of loss?"

That was a question, damn it.

[okteiviakom]

Maybe he needed to not impose such strict rules on himself.

"That," Octavia allowed. "And fear of... everything I'd done before then, everything we'd endured, just turning meaningless. Every sacrifice undone."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded. "And in the process, you made a mistake."

[okteiviakom]

"One way to put it."

Her voice didn't sound pretty, there.

[my_own_advocate]

"You did something horrific," Lucifer amended.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded against his chest.

"What I felt like I had to."

[my_own_advocate]

"So why do you regret it?" Lucifer asked. "And not the rest?"

He'd more or less given his theory, but, well.

[okteiviakom]

Another short silence, before: "Because it was the only time where it feels like I had a choice."

So... More or less his theory.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded.

"As I said," he murmured, "It makes sense."

[okteiviakom]

"I asked for other options, other solutions, so many times," Octavia muttered. The Dark Year, in particular, came to mind. "No one ever had anything."

[my_own_advocate]

"There was another option, but it involved all of you dying," Lucifer noted. "Your way involved less death. But it did need someone to pull the lever. Someone to bear the blame."

[okteiviakom]

"Me."

Something heavy about it, but guess that was to be expected.

"Osleya."

[my_own_advocate]

"And I don't know if I believe you ever should feel remorse for it."

Quiet.

[okteiviakom]

Maybe Octavia found that surprising, but it didn't show.

"I don't know if a lot of people agree with you."

[my_own_advocate]

"That's never stopped me from having an opinion," Lucifer noted.