The Deck of the Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Friday Afternoon

[okteiviakom]

Octavia knew there was a Parents Weekend thing happening in town right now. She was still undecided on whether she wanted to put in an appearance, because on one hand, last year's had led to some bad times for her. On the other... There was some small part of her that hoped, no matter how foolishly, that maybe Gloria would somehow show up.

(There was just so much she wanted to tell her. And so much fear that she would never get to.)

So far, for her trek through town after her usual Friday routine of therapy and swimming out in New York, she had steered clear of the park. She had a big bag from a shoe store to get home, anyway. See, there'd been some talk of those early days on the Ground in her session today, and then she'd taken a slightly different route from her usual in getting to the portal place, and she'd seen the boots in a store window, and, well. She'd never been able to resist a good symbol. Especially one as personal as this, appearing at just the right time for it to feel a little like something else than just pure coincidence.

(Even with how mired in complications that thought was for her, these days. For reasons she had still not discussed with Dr. Baker at all.)

And even as she stepped aboard the Rouge, she was still wondering whether she should've just taken her purchase on the Samsara instead, and buried them in her closet. The urge to share and the urge to keep it to herself felt equal.

Maybe she'd shove them in a closet here, instead.

[ooc: Open, though slow.]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

“All of them,” Duke admitted, trying (and failing) not to over-analyze the look on her face. “Have been for, uh. A really long time.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's expression was settling into something a little sad.

"Mostly I though you just..."

She didn't know if she wanted to finish that. If she even should.

[betterthanaplan]

"Just . . . what?" Duke asked. "Forgot about them?"

[okteiviakom]

"No," Octavia said softly. "Just... focused on other people."

That was as diplomatic as she could put it.

[betterthanaplan]

"On you and Lucifer," Duke said. Her reaction hurt, thought he couldn't really say why. (He should've expected it, right? Because he didn't "advocate for his own issues".) "I can love you two and worry about them at the same time, Tavi."

[okteiviakom]

Would it hurt less or more once he figured out he'd deciphered her reaction wrong?

Let's find out.

A startled huff escaped Octavia. "Not us," she said. "Other people in Haven." This was what she got for trying to be diplomatic and not invoking Audrey's name.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke frowned. "I'm worried about everyone I love back in Haven."

Oh hey. Causally referencing loving multiple people there. Progress?

[okteiviakom]

"Never mind," Octavia muttered, shaking her head, dropping her gaze, "I shouldn't have said anything." Should've gone with that gut instinct. "I'm really sorry Haven's still locked up."

[betterthanaplan]

Maybe Duke should have been talking to Linda about Octavia instead of Lucifer.

"Right, so I've learned a thing or two, talking to Linda. Like that what you're doing right now is disengaging."

Look at him, throwing out therapy words like he'd internalized their meanings.

[okteiviakom]

"No shit," Octavia said mildly, with no heat or bite.

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm trying to tell you something, Tavi," Duke said softly. "And it's not easy. So I kind of need you not to do that right now." He took a breath. "If -- if you can."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia took a slow breath in. Then let it out.

Okay.

"What do you want to tell me?" she asked, looking up at him again, if through her lashes. That would help, right? Asking? To get them back on something resembling a track.

[betterthanaplan]

"That I'm freaking out," Duke said softly. He took a deep breath, tugging gently at the lock of hair in his face. "I'm worried about my Haven people, and the longer we go without hearing from them, the worse it gets. And -- now that we're not all wrapped up in Lucifer's stuff, it's all just, like. Shoving itself to the front of my mind."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's hand reached up before she'd even really thought about whether it should, to try and catch the hand tugging at his hair.

"The calm doesn't last ever last forever, does it?" she muttered.

[betterthanaplan]

"I really want to be able to just -- relax and enjoy it," Duke said, looking at her. Letting her take his hand. "Especially if it's not going to last. But . . . I guess that's not something you can make yourself do."

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah, that's not how it works, jaka," Octavia agreed, holding his hand between both of hers. "You don't just forget."

Said a woman who'd been hardcore repressing certain things for weeks now.

[betterthanaplan]

"I've been beating myself up for that," Duke admitted. "Especially since I know you and Lucifer would hate that I'm worrying about Audrey."

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah, well," Octavia said, her tone a little more carefully bland, now. "We can't help the way we feel about her..."

She trailed off, then went ahead with the rest of it.

"Not any more than you can."

(It still hurt.)

[betterthanaplan]

"I wish you could see her like I do," Duke said, looking out over the water. "I know why you can't, and I get it. And I'm not -- she and Nathan are clearly destined for each other and I'm not picturing a full interdimensional polycule here. But I still love her. And Nathan. And it kills me not knowing what happened to them or to my town. To Gloria and my Dwight and Bill and Megan and everyone else back there."

[okteiviakom]

No wonder Octavia had never managed to fully process how much she missed Gloria. It was too wrapped up in this, the same feeling that only barely allowed her to hear the rest of what he was saying past 'I still love her'.

She didn't say anything. She didn't feel allowed to say any of what wanted to come out.

She was just biting on the inside of her lip (maybe a little pain would stop her eyes stinging, somehow) and hoping he would keep his eyes on the water and not come back to her face, because he wasn't going to like the tremble in it.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke might not like it, but he did see it. He shifted his hand so he could give hers a squeeze.

"Hey. I'm not leaving you for her. You know that, right?"

He couldn't even be surprised, how quickly advocating for his own issues had turned into comforting her through her reaction to them. This was why he kept quiet, dammit.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia looked down at their hands. She really, really wanted to gently put his hand back on his lap and pull hers away, but she knew how that would look.

So instead she tried to just breathe through this, trying to get to some thought she could voice that wouldn't just hurt him.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke would not have handled that well, no. Not that he was handling her silence all that well, either.

"Jesus, Tavi, she's probably dead. You don't have to feel threatened, here."

[okteiviakom]

It was getting harder not to drop his hand.

Octavia still hadn't raised her gaze again. "Please don't do that," she said, as evenly as she could. (So... not very.) "I don't tell you what to feel. Or what you feel."

[betterthanaplan]

That was alright. He was dropping it for her. Leaning forward, his elbows propped on his knees. Staring out at the water again. "You never tell me anything."

He had the sudden urge to get up and just -- dive off the side. Cast and all. What would even happen? He'd have to get it replaced? Might be worth it, just to get a moment to escape. . . .