The Deck of the Cape Rouge, Port of Fandom, Friday Afternoon

[okteiviakom]

Octavia knew there was a Parents Weekend thing happening in town right now. She was still undecided on whether she wanted to put in an appearance, because on one hand, last year's had led to some bad times for her. On the other... There was some small part of her that hoped, no matter how foolishly, that maybe Gloria would somehow show up.

(There was just so much she wanted to tell her. And so much fear that she would never get to.)

So far, for her trek through town after her usual Friday routine of therapy and swimming out in New York, she had steered clear of the park. She had a big bag from a shoe store to get home, anyway. See, there'd been some talk of those early days on the Ground in her session today, and then she'd taken a slightly different route from her usual in getting to the portal place, and she'd seen the boots in a store window, and, well. She'd never been able to resist a good symbol. Especially one as personal as this, appearing at just the right time for it to feel a little like something else than just pure coincidence.

(Even with how mired in complications that thought was for her, these days. For reasons she had still not discussed with Dr. Baker at all.)

And even as she stepped aboard the Rouge, she was still wondering whether she should've just taken her purchase on the Samsara instead, and buried them in her closet. The urge to share and the urge to keep it to herself felt equal.

Maybe she'd shove them in a closet here, instead.

[ooc: Open, though slow.]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

Oh, Duke.

"All you ever had to do gain that nickname was be you," Octavia pointed out. "That hasn't changed."

[betterthanaplan]

"But all I ever do is disappoint you," Duke said. "Or hurt you or make you feel like you're not 'enough'. Because of my stupid, broken heart."

Linda would have words with him for that attribution of blame, later.

[okteiviakom]

"That is not all you do," Octavia replied, with more force than she'd intended to, but oh well. She'd turned more towards him, too, without even realizing. "Yes, sometimes you fuck up, and you have feelings I -- wish you didn't, but that is so far from 'all you do'."

[betterthanaplan]

"It sure feels like it sometimes."

[okteiviakom]

"Then I'm sorry --" They were saying that a lot, weren't they? "-- and I will try to do better to remind you it's not."

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm sorry I haven't loved you the way you wish I would," Duke said, looking up at her. "But I do love you. How I feel about other people won't change that."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia shook her head. "Can we just... please drop that for a moment? Everything you just said was about a lot more than other people."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke opened his mouth, then let it fall shut again.

Right. So that remained something they couldn't talk about.

"Uh. Yeah. I guess. Sorry."

[okteiviakom]

"I said for a moment," Octavia said, softer, after seeing that reaction. "Not forever."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke swallowed. Loving and hating at the same time that he was so easy for her to read.

"Okay."

[okteiviakom]

He hadn't been very subtle.

"Mochof," Octavia murmured with a little nod. She hesitated, then reached up to brush her hand against his cheek. Trying to re-establish that connection they'd severed.

"You make me happy," she told him, "far more often than you disappoint me. And all you really have to do to make that happen is... come up behind me and rest your chin on my head."

[betterthanaplan]

He still wasn't used to how people around here paid attention.

He let out a soft little huff, his eyes closing as he leaned into her touch. "That sounds too easy."

[okteiviakom]

"It's not as easy as it looks," Octavia murmured, pressing her palm just a touch more firmly against his cheek. "You have to... know to warn me, for one thing. Can't just come up behind me unannounced."

That way lay startled violence.

"You have to know me."

[betterthanaplan]

"I always think I do," Duke said. "And then I do something wrong."

[okteiviakom]

"Not always," Octavia reiterated. She leaned a little closer to him. "And a lot of that's on me, anyway."

[betterthanaplan]

"Sometimes it's like . . . you expect me to read your mind," Duke said, leaning back. "You had this image of me in there. Through seven years and an entire apocalypse. How can I ever live up to that?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia straightened up some. Didn't take back her entire forward lean, but... some of it.

"It took a long time," she admitted quietly, "but I don't think I think of you like that anymore. Or about us."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a soft, humorless laugh. "Wish you'd told me that sooner."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia lifted one shoulder, a little helplessly.

"Wish you had, too."

[betterthanaplan]

“We kind of suck at this part, huh.”

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah," Octavia replied. Because they did. They really did. "But," she continued, brushing her hair behind her ear, "I didn't try to leave when this conversation got difficult, so... I want to think we're making progress."

[betterthanaplan]

"Oh hey." Duke gave her a shaky smile. "You're right. And, uh. I tried not to accuse you of not trying."

[okteiviakom]

"See?"

Her mirrored smile was a lot on the weak side, too.

"That's something." A beat. "Not a lot, but something."

[betterthanaplan]

"Progress," Duke said. He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "I'm proud of us."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia heaved a sigh, closing her eyes.

"Baby steps, right?"