Lucifer's Mansion, Friday Evening

[okteiviakom]

A lot could happen in a week. Like Octavia doing a 180 on what she considered an appropriate venue for her and Duke's inaugural date night. Not that they hadn't had date nights before (although ones Octavia had probably refused to call that, with her own internal rules about language), but there were date nights, and there were date nights.

There were random events, and there were the beginnings of traditions.

(Hopeful ones, anyway.)

So there Octavia was, already at the house. She'd thought about cooking something herself, maybe paella like Lucifer had taught her to make once, but had ultimately decided against it. This all felt new enough as it was, without adding the unknown factor of her cooking into it.

The trusty Thai she'd ordered had arrived a moment or two ago, and was now sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

Now all she needed was her date.

[ooc: For that guy. No, not that one, the other one.]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

“Thank you.” Duke shook himself a little. “Okay. Talking about it.” He closed his eyes, trying to picture where to start.

“There’s something . . . freeing. I guess I’ve always been on edge. Waiting for the moment someone decides I’m . . . wrong. Pushing it, even, to try to get it over with.” He bit his lip and opened his eyes again. “When Lucifer ties me up . . . I stop having to do that. I don’t have to try to stop, I just stop. Because he’s got me.”

A flicker of a wry lip twist.

“Plus, you know, I physically can’t do a lot. That helps too.”

[okteiviakom]

While he was talking, Octavia pulled their joined hands over to rest against her leg. Another point of contact, connection.

She gave one of her tiny nods. "Nowhere left to go," she murmured. "And the choice is just... gone."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded. "I'm just. Helpless. I can't do anything but let go."

[okteiviakom]

"Could struggle," Octavia said, quietly, after a beat where she wondered if she wanted to say it - although less about that, more about what she said next. (A private thing, and he hadn't asked. She was trying to offer anyway.) "Sometimes I do, even knowing it's futile." And another small pause. "To know it's futile."

And a tiny shrug. She was rubbing her fingertips faintly against his hand.

"But then again I don't really do ropes."

[betterthanaplan]

"Does it feel good?" Duke asked. "Sruggling?"

[okteiviakom]

"Sometimes," Octavia said. Quietly, watching their hands again. "Really knowing where... the boundaries are, I guess."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded. "It can be hard to tell sometimes, huh. Without testing it. I'll -- tug a bit. Wriggle. But not really struggle."

[okteiviakom]

"But you understand the concept," Octavia replied, glancing up at him again, through her lashes. "For you, it's... A different need, maybe. The whole thing."

[betterthanaplan]

"Probably," Duke agreed. "It's like. The only way I know how to just be. If it's the only thing I can do."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded again, one of those tiny movements.

"If everything else has been stripped away."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah. And Lucifer makes that feel . . . safe." A little quirk of the mouth that wasn't quite a smile. "Safer than I've felt anywhere but in the water."

[okteiviakom]

It was kind of a loaded word right now, 'safe'.

Octavia nodded again all the same. "Good." Well, it was. "You deserve to feel that."

[betterthanaplan]

It was a tough word for both of them at the best of times.

"What makes you feel that way?" he asked. "Is there something I can do for you?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia inhaled through her nose.

"Those... are two separate questions, jaka," she said, gently.

[betterthanaplan]

So he didn't make her feel safe.

Well. That was good to know.

"Okay. Do you want to answer them separately?"

[okteiviakom]

They were talking about a very specific context, and a largely hypothetical one, at that.

Or at least that was what Octavia was talking about.

"I'd prefer that, yeah."

[betterthanaplan]

At minimum, given the context of the conversation thus far, she'd managed to communicate to Duke that he didn't make her feel safe in bed. Combined with the thought that she didn't trust him anymore -- Duke was feeling all kinds of ways here.

He nodded, not entirely trusting himself to speak again yet. Did a bit more shoving at the voices and feelings in his head to make space for just hearing what she had to say.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia gave his hand a squeeze, and looked up again, and --

Hesitated. Looking concerned.

"I don't know if I should, now," she admitted.

[betterthanaplan]

That . . . didn't help.

"Right. Okay." He shrugged, smiling uncomfortably. "Of course you don't have to."

[okteiviakom]

"You know I love you," Octavia said, abruptly. "Right?"

She just felt worried, all of a sudden.

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah," Duke said, quick and honest.

He also knew love didn't automatically make things easy or okay.

[okteiviakom]

It would've been naive to think it did, anyway.

Octavia nodded. "Because I don't want you thinking I'm saying anything about that."

[betterthanaplan]

“Okay.” Duke nodded seriously.

Bracing himself for what required that kind of disclaimer.

[okteiviakom]

He could think back on all the things that had already been said, and how he'd felt about them, because that was what Octavia was talking about. There was nothing coming to brace for.

"Okay," she said, softly, oblivious to how he was taking this, despite trying to read his face. "I just wanted to make sure."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke was dealing with all sorts of trust issues right now. Including with himself.

He was braced.

“I’m sure,” he told her. He flicked her another small smile — the best he could do with the anxiety in his gut. A larger one right now would end up being a defensive smoke screen, and he was trying not to do that anymore. “Whatever you say, I know you love me. And you know I love you, too.”