Lucifer's Mansion, Friday Evening

[okteiviakom]

A lot could happen in a week. Like Octavia doing a 180 on what she considered an appropriate venue for her and Duke's inaugural date night. Not that they hadn't had date nights before (although ones Octavia had probably refused to call that, with her own internal rules about language), but there were date nights, and there were date nights.

There were random events, and there were the beginnings of traditions.

(Hopeful ones, anyway.)

So there Octavia was, already at the house. She'd thought about cooking something herself, maybe paella like Lucifer had taught her to make once, but had ultimately decided against it. This all felt new enough as it was, without adding the unknown factor of her cooking into it.

The trusty Thai she'd ordered had arrived a moment or two ago, and was now sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

Now all she needed was her date.

[ooc: For that guy. No, not that one, the other one.]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

That . . . didn't help.

"Right. Okay." He shrugged, smiling uncomfortably. "Of course you don't have to."

[okteiviakom]

"You know I love you," Octavia said, abruptly. "Right?"

She just felt worried, all of a sudden.

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah," Duke said, quick and honest.

He also knew love didn't automatically make things easy or okay.

[okteiviakom]

It would've been naive to think it did, anyway.

Octavia nodded. "Because I don't want you thinking I'm saying anything about that."

[betterthanaplan]

“Okay.” Duke nodded seriously.

Bracing himself for what required that kind of disclaimer.

[okteiviakom]

He could think back on all the things that had already been said, and how he'd felt about them, because that was what Octavia was talking about. There was nothing coming to brace for.

"Okay," she said, softly, oblivious to how he was taking this, despite trying to read his face. "I just wanted to make sure."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke was dealing with all sorts of trust issues right now. Including with himself.

He was braced.

“I’m sure,” he told her. He flicked her another small smile — the best he could do with the anxiety in his gut. A larger one right now would end up being a defensive smoke screen, and he was trying not to do that anymore. “Whatever you say, I know you love me. And you know I love you, too.”

[okteiviakom]

"Never doubted you," Octavia replied, quietly. She wasn't attempting any smiles of any size, but that wasn't anything new with her.

She hesitated, then added, "Yumi throu daun ogeda, otaim, right?"

[betterthanaplan]

The number of reassurances was having the opposite of their intended effect.

“Sha,” Duke agreed. “Otaim.”

[okteiviakom]

It was all Octavia had.

She fell silent after this one, though. Trying to... think of a way to untangle the situation.

(She had a lot of regrets, now.)

[betterthanaplan]

Duke swallowed. Trying to be patient and give her the space she needed.

(Still braced. So very braced.)

[okteiviakom]

The silence turned defeaning soon enough.

And then Octavia's free hand went up to her forehead, to rub at the spot between her eyebrows, and, "I'm not sure anymore where this went so wrong." Something quietly frustrated in her voice.

[betterthanaplan]

"This conversation?" Duke asked gently. "Or us?"

[okteiviakom]

"Conversation."

Whatever, if anything, was wrong with them was less drastic to her. And also easier to trace back to its roots.

[betterthanaplan]

"I don't know," Duke admitted. "I just wanted to know what makes you feel safe. And . . . if I can do anything. Which -- it kind of feels like the answer to that second one is a pretty hard 'no'."

[okteiviakom]

"Pretty sure it was earlier than that," Octavia muttered, still rubbing her face. "Anyway, you do get that it's a really specific kind of safe in a really specific kind of situation, right?"

[betterthanaplan]

"That's . . . not what I meant," Duke said. "That second question, I meant, like, anything I could do. Sex or not, kink or not. If just . . . sitting here and talking makes you feel safe, I want to know about that."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia dropped her hand, and blinked at him.

And frowned.

"You don't think I just... feel safe with you, all the time, in general?"

[betterthanaplan]

"I don't know!" Duke said helplessly. "I know you love me, but other than that -- I'm not sure of much of anything anymore, Tavi."

[okteiviakom]

Well, would you look at that?

It hurt.

"Is this because I said it'd be safer with Lucifer, earlier?" Octavia asked, staring at him. "Because I meant -- meant a really specific thing. I didn't mean anything outside of that."

And when he'd gone back to questions about safety, especially in the context of when he'd been talking about just before, well...

[betterthanaplan]

"I -- a little, maybe?" Duke shook his head. "Luce and I blow up, and then we talk. You and I . . . I tiptoe on eggshells hoping not to screw it up. I know you love me, but -- I'm not always very certain that you like me anymore."

[okteiviakom]

"What the fuck, Duke?"

It was out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. Sounded a little strangled, like some if not even all the air had been punched out of her lungs.

This hurt worse.

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm sure it's my fault," he said, shaking his head. "It usually is. Like -- making you uncomfortable earlier by making it all about me." Fuck, was he doing that again? "It's like every word out of my mouth is the wrong one. So I shut up, and then you get mad about that. . . ."

He groaned, rubbing his forehead.

"I wanted these date nights to help us get closer. But all we do is -- is misunderstand each other. And I don't know how to fix it."

[okteiviakom]

He was sort of doing it again. And with a side of assigning Octavia some responses she didn't entirely recognize.

But that wasn't actually what she was taking away from listening to him. At least, when she gave it a beat and a slow inhale.

"Duke," she said, "when's the last time you saw your therapist?"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke shut his eyes, looking away with a sigh.

"It's been awhile," he admitted. "I didn't really have the energy for it and now -- I want to fix things with you guys. That's what I'm focused on right now."