Octavia Blake (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
okteiviakom) wrote2020-05-14 10:17 pm
okteiviakom) wrote2020-05-14 10:17 pm
Arkadia and Mount Weather, Thursday FT
Days turned into weeks.
Lincoln kept hovering and giving Octavia space in equal measure. Not that he had a choice: the commander's kill order (given for siding with Skaikru, for siding with her) on him still stood. When she left Arkadia, it wasn't safe for him to follow.
Octavia took Helios out past Arkadia's walls as often as she could. Her horse didn't ask questions she couldn't answer, and had no expectations she couldn't meet. Didn't act like she didn't belong or like there was something wrong about her. He'd whinnied when he'd first seen her again, and pushed his head against her hands, and that was that. He was easy, in a way people weren't.
(Helios also couldn't tell anyone how often their trips together took them back to where she and Bellamy had been dropped off by the multiverse.)
She continued not to feel much about anything.
But then there was Jasper.
After their return, it had taken her a while to notice things were off with him. It had taken her even longer to realize why, to remember he'd been in love with a girl from Mount Weather, Maya, who'd died like the rest of her people when the compound had been flooded with radiation.
It'd happened a little before Octavia had been yanked to Fandom. That was a handful of months ago, for Jasper, and he was in mourning. Going hard at it, too: he was drunk more often than he wasn't, and often belligerent with it. He was brimming with rage to the same degree Octavia felt devoid of anything. Somehow that made her feel drawn to him.
Both of them were there when Abby and a few others went to open Mount Weather again, to make use of medical tech the mountain had and Arkadia didn't. Jasper broke off from the rest once they were there, but it wasn't hard for Octavia to track him down. All she had to do was follow the sound of crashes and banging down to the warehouse.
Though once she found him there, he was sitting on the floor, artworks strewn around him, a nearby statue pushed off its pedestal. He was looking at a painting, propped up against a cabinet across from him.
She sat down next to him. "Hey."
"I'm fine," he replied, immediate, automatic.
Her mouth opened. Nothing came out, and she didn't know why.
(She knew why.)
But it didn't seem like he needed her to talk, anyway. "This was her favorite," he said, staring straight ahead at the painting. "Represents the second circle of hell." Octavia missed the rest of what Jasper said, right there, because that was when she actually looked at the painting. It was in shades of gray, and there was something like a twisty stream, filled with human forms. The second circle of Hell. She didn't know why that made her feel suddenly choked up.
(She knew why.)
She turned her gaze back on Jasper. Forced it, actually. "I told her I liked it," he continued, his voice going softer, "but... I don't kn--" Octavia could see a tear threaten to roll down his cheek. And then it did, and she knew what his voice would sound like even before he choked out the words. "I miss her."
The instinct felt rusty and like she had to dig for it, but she leaned in, stretching her arm around his shoulders and resting her head against the one closest to her. Jasper seemed to curl into her lean, his head tilting against hers.
She should say something.
"It'll get better," she rasped, trying not to let it sound like a lie.
Jasper shuddered in her embrace. His voice was small and wet with tears. "When?"
She didn't have an answer. All she could do was keep holding on, because a feeling was creeping in like they were both going to be crushed and there was nothing they could do about it.
(She knew why.)
It wasn't until later, when she returned to Lincoln, that something finally cracked. He seemed to realize she was crying before she did. Pulled her into his arms, snug against his chest, and kissed the top of her head, and murmured, "Hey, hey, en's ogud, gada". She couldn't decide if he was making it better, or worse. Which one was it that she was now sobbing uncontrollably and felt like something was trying to drain out of her? Her chest ached.
She finally felt something, and it seemed like everything.
They stood there, just like that, for a long while. Her just shaking, and him just holding on until she calmed down. Or at least settled down a little. Breathed a little more evenly and managed to force a tiny bit of tension out of her body. And then they stood there like that for a while longer before Lincoln spoke again. His voice was gentle, and steady, but had a slightly off note about it.
"Why don't you tell me about them, hm?" he asked. "Whoever it was that... you lost."
She didn't want to talk about it.
She desperately wanted to talk about it.
Octavia drew in an unsteady, ragged breath. "His name," she said, sounding far too small, far too much like Jasper had, "is Duke."
"Okay," Lincoln replied, nodding. She could tell because his chin nudged the top of her head. "Tell me about Duke."
So she did.
[ooc: NFB, NFI, OOC okay! Inspired by and partly lifted from The 100 S3 eps 1 and 2.]
Lincoln kept hovering and giving Octavia space in equal measure. Not that he had a choice: the commander's kill order (given for siding with Skaikru, for siding with her) on him still stood. When she left Arkadia, it wasn't safe for him to follow.
Octavia took Helios out past Arkadia's walls as often as she could. Her horse didn't ask questions she couldn't answer, and had no expectations she couldn't meet. Didn't act like she didn't belong or like there was something wrong about her. He'd whinnied when he'd first seen her again, and pushed his head against her hands, and that was that. He was easy, in a way people weren't.
(Helios also couldn't tell anyone how often their trips together took them back to where she and Bellamy had been dropped off by the multiverse.)
She continued not to feel much about anything.
But then there was Jasper.
After their return, it had taken her a while to notice things were off with him. It had taken her even longer to realize why, to remember he'd been in love with a girl from Mount Weather, Maya, who'd died like the rest of her people when the compound had been flooded with radiation.
It'd happened a little before Octavia had been yanked to Fandom. That was a handful of months ago, for Jasper, and he was in mourning. Going hard at it, too: he was drunk more often than he wasn't, and often belligerent with it. He was brimming with rage to the same degree Octavia felt devoid of anything. Somehow that made her feel drawn to him.
Both of them were there when Abby and a few others went to open Mount Weather again, to make use of medical tech the mountain had and Arkadia didn't. Jasper broke off from the rest once they were there, but it wasn't hard for Octavia to track him down. All she had to do was follow the sound of crashes and banging down to the warehouse.
Though once she found him there, he was sitting on the floor, artworks strewn around him, a nearby statue pushed off its pedestal. He was looking at a painting, propped up against a cabinet across from him.
She sat down next to him. "Hey."
"I'm fine," he replied, immediate, automatic.
Her mouth opened. Nothing came out, and she didn't know why.
(She knew why.)
But it didn't seem like he needed her to talk, anyway. "This was her favorite," he said, staring straight ahead at the painting. "Represents the second circle of hell." Octavia missed the rest of what Jasper said, right there, because that was when she actually looked at the painting. It was in shades of gray, and there was something like a twisty stream, filled with human forms. The second circle of Hell. She didn't know why that made her feel suddenly choked up.
(She knew why.)
She turned her gaze back on Jasper. Forced it, actually. "I told her I liked it," he continued, his voice going softer, "but... I don't kn--" Octavia could see a tear threaten to roll down his cheek. And then it did, and she knew what his voice would sound like even before he choked out the words. "I miss her."
The instinct felt rusty and like she had to dig for it, but she leaned in, stretching her arm around his shoulders and resting her head against the one closest to her. Jasper seemed to curl into her lean, his head tilting against hers.
She should say something.
"It'll get better," she rasped, trying not to let it sound like a lie.
Jasper shuddered in her embrace. His voice was small and wet with tears. "When?"
She didn't have an answer. All she could do was keep holding on, because a feeling was creeping in like they were both going to be crushed and there was nothing they could do about it.
(She knew why.)
It wasn't until later, when she returned to Lincoln, that something finally cracked. He seemed to realize she was crying before she did. Pulled her into his arms, snug against his chest, and kissed the top of her head, and murmured, "Hey, hey, en's ogud, gada". She couldn't decide if he was making it better, or worse. Which one was it that she was now sobbing uncontrollably and felt like something was trying to drain out of her? Her chest ached.
She finally felt something, and it seemed like everything.
They stood there, just like that, for a long while. Her just shaking, and him just holding on until she calmed down. Or at least settled down a little. Breathed a little more evenly and managed to force a tiny bit of tension out of her body. And then they stood there like that for a while longer before Lincoln spoke again. His voice was gentle, and steady, but had a slightly off note about it.
"Why don't you tell me about them, hm?" he asked. "Whoever it was that... you lost."
She didn't want to talk about it.
She desperately wanted to talk about it.
Octavia drew in an unsteady, ragged breath. "His name," she said, sounding far too small, far too much like Jasper had, "is Duke."
"Okay," Lincoln replied, nodding. She could tell because his chin nudged the top of her head. "Tell me about Duke."
So she did.
[ooc: NFB, NFI, OOC okay! Inspired by and partly lifted from The 100 S3 eps 1 and 2.]