The Cape Rouge, Monday... Noon? Ish?

[okteiviakom]

"I think my spring is coming, Octavia. And I can't wait to see what it's like."

There had been no surprise in how hard it had been to say goodbye. Ilian had been impossibly calm and steady, and Octavia had just done her best to keep it together. Be brave, like he'd wanted her to be. Nou fir wamplei in, em bilaik stoda kom nes soujon noumou. Easy for him to say when he'd already done it, when she was the one left to mourn him all over again.

(That last glimmer of someone seeing something human in her before the bunker, The Dark Year, the valley. The last time in six years before the multiverse saw fit to yank whatever had been left of her back to Fandom, to put herself back together again.)

"If you want to honor me, maybe you should plant something. Grow something."

How was she supposed to do that, Ilian?

Everything hurt again.

And Octavia was finding it very hard to even get out of bed. In fact, she hadn't, yet. Just kept laying there, either staring at the ceiling or the line of already slightly smudged dots along the inside of her forearm. Ilian had drawn them with a marker, explaining to her about the tattoos of his clan. Just another thing she'd never had time to learn before.

She knew this had all been a gift.

But right now it was a little hard to ignore how much it also felt like having been stabbed in the gut again.

[ooc: Open for thems that live here, should they so wish.]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

"Right," Octavia sighed.

[my_own_advocate]

Tentatively, Lucifer leaned in to brush a kiss against her cheek.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia let him.

Just breathing. (Surviving.)

[my_own_advocate]

"I love you," Lucifer whispered, because it always bore saying.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia breathed in.

Great, something was stinging under her eyelids again.

[my_own_advocate]

And Lucifer fell quiet.

He really did not have all that much to say.

[okteiviakom]

And Octavia...

Well, now Octavia was fighting back the urge to cry. She'd already done enough of it - particularly last night, coming back, when she'd all but collapsed into an inconsolable mess.

More than anything, she felt annoyed at the urge now. It didn't do anything, crying.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's arm eventually tightened around her a touch.

He felt helpless. And like this was the best he could do.

[okteiviakom]

It probably was.

Even if it made Octavia's shudder a little more obvious.

[my_own_advocate]

"Octavia?" Lucifer asked quietly.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia inhaled sharply through her nose. Exhaled through the mouth.

Something angry about it. (Trying to keep it together.)

[my_own_advocate]

"Right, sorry for asking," Lucifer muttered.

[okteiviakom]

It was not directed at him, but how was he to know that? And Octavia could have explained, but she was stuck trying to control the trembling of her bottom lip.

It had started up without her permission.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer felt an impulse to withdraw, but he ignored it.

He just wasn't sure what else to do, either.

[okteiviakom]

Well, Octavia's next attempt at a breath was an unmistakable sob.

So there was that.

[my_own_advocate]

"Oh," Lucifer said softly, understanding dawning.

[okteiviakom]

No, no no no --

Another.

A third.

Then a horrible wounded sound as the dam broke fully.

[my_own_advocate]

"It's okay," Lucifer whispered, tightening his grip. "It's okay."

[okteiviakom]

It wasn't, but Octavia couldn't exactly argue with him right now. Not with how abruptly she'd slipped right into full ugly-crying mode, sobs shaking her shoulders.

Grief pouring out.

[my_own_advocate]

"Right," Lucifer mumbled.

He just kept holding her.

[okteiviakom]

And she just kept crying.

And feeling angry at herself for it, because grief and anger were just about all she could manage today.

[my_own_advocate]

Eventually, Lucifer moved his hand. Mainly to rub her arm, trying to be soothing, not sure whether it was the right way to go about it.

[okteiviakom]

There was (rare though it was) no real right or wrong way about it. Octavia was in her own bubble either way. Yes, even with him right here with her.

There was no discernible reaction.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a deep sigh. He fought off the urge to say 'right' again.

[okteiviakom]

Smart Devil.

Anyway, at least she was curling into him a little more. Whether it was instinct or something else.