Edge of the Preserve, Tuesday Afternoon

[okteiviakom]

There was something Lucifer had said last week that Octavia had been trying not to think about ever since. It was an indirect thing: he'd just noted that Duke's birthday was coming up next month.

But that wasn't what Octavia had taken away from it.

Duke's birthday was at the beginning of June. Octavia had missed his last one because of something that had happened last year in May. And it was that something that she'd refused to think about for several days now, because what did it matter now? It had happened, and then seven years of shit had happened afterwards, and all of that weighed harder on her than a single moment ever could. It was too small a thing to be worth talking about in therapy, and so she hadn't touched on it in today's session. Hadn't even thought about it.

But upon her return to the island, something had compelled her to head to the preserve. She'd missed it, after all, during their San Diego trip. Being on the water was one of her favorite things, but the woods were still her first love, even if the years had complicated that feeling a lot.

But this time, she barely made it into the preserve. Barely made it past the very edge before something made her stop and almost sway in place for a moment, like she'd just walked into a wall. Suddenly all she could think about was that single, supposedly insignificant moment years ago, with Bellamy, taking a turn and finding themselves lost, not just in these woods but in the multiverse --

She couldn't make herself take another step. No matter how hard she tried to tell her feet to just move, keep going forward, she couldn't. Nothing happened. All she could really do was try and not give into the wild, feral fear creeping up her spine, whispering in her ears that if she took even just one more step, she'd be taken again. Lost again. Stripped of everything she loved, again.

Octavia squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

Murmured, breathless, "I am not afraid."

It didn't do enough.

[ooc: Open if you wanna, but with an SP warning.]

Comments

[desertwolfcub]

"You're from the woods, too," Malia said. A statement not a question. She looked at the trees. "And now they're scary? That sucks."

[okteiviakom]

A statement Octavia wasn't going to be disputing, either.

(She'd been Okteivia kom Trigedakru, once, and boy did that thought hurt now.)

"They haven't been," she said. "Not before today.

[desertwolfcub]

"So . . . what's special about today?"

[okteiviakom]

"Someone reminded me it's been a year," Octavia rasped. Her pulse seemed to finally be slowly becoming slower. "That to everyone here it was last May that I went away."

It sounded stupid to her, said out loud. It shouldn't have mattered.

[desertwolfcub]

"So it feels like it's more likely to happen again now," Malia guessed.

[okteiviakom]

"Your guess is as good as mine."

They were the same guess.

"All I know is I was fine coming here a few weeks back."

[desertwolfcub]

"I guess I'd freak out on the anniversary of the car accident, too," Malia said. "If I knew when it was."

[okteiviakom]

The terrain was finally starting to feel less alien under Octavia's boots. Slowly.

She was quiet for several steps.

"Is that when you lost them?"

Her mother and sister.

[desertwolfcub]

"That's when I shifted for the first time and killed them," Malia said, matter-of-factly. "Putting a pretty word on it doesn't make it not true."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded without looking over.

"Agreed."

There was no judgment.

[desertwolfcub]

Malia looked over, faintly surprised. Octavia didn't even blink, did she. Most people grimaced and tried not to think about a nine year old turning into a wild animal and mauling her family. Octavia just nodded and moved on.

"I like you," she decided, shifting to walk slightly closer. "Especially now that you reek a little less."

[okteiviakom]

"Guess that means this is working," Octavia drawled, heavy on the rasp again.

Her glance over was brief.

[desertwolfcub]

“I said a little less.” Malia shrugged and glanced at her. “Do you have a cold or something? You sound like a frog.”

[okteiviakom]

Now this dry, unamused look was definitely longer.

"It's just my voice."

Which tended to change a lot based on how she was feeling, yes.

[desertwolfcub]

"Okay." Malia shrugged. "Sounds weird, is all."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's snort as she looked ahead again was about as dry as her glance had been.

"Thanks."

(But it made her feel more normal. More like herself.)

[desertwolfcub]

The fear smell had faded a little again. Malia nodded a little to herself.

And Stiles had said she had to learn tact.

[okteiviakom]

Tact was overrated. In this company, anyway.

Octavia kept walking. She felt like she was finally seeing the trees instead of just being aware they were there.

Settling back into her skin, step by step.

"I'm Octavia," she said. Eventually. "By the way."

[desertwolfcub]

"Octavia," Malia repeated. "I'm Malia." She couldn't remember if she'd said that already. She'd covered a lot for a conversation with no names in it, but, well. It wasn't like names were useful in the wild, anyway.

[okteiviakom]

"You said."

Octavia remembered, somehow. Even through all the panic of that moment.

"Don't happen to be taking the pirate class, do you?"

[desertwolfcub]

"What?" Malia frowned. "No. Why would I want to take a pirate class?"

[okteiviakom]

"I wasn't asking because I thought you would," Octavia rasped, the faint trace of an eye roll in her tone. "It's just the only class I know is happening."

[desertwolfcub]

"Okay." Malia shrugged a little. "I'm taking, like . . . philosophy. And anger management. And some 'gladiator' class? And one that I actually have no idea what it's about, but it's taught by a big eagle guy." Another shrug. "Not like I picked any of them anyway."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia shrugged a little, too.

"The school doesn't seem to be big on choice."

[desertwolfcub]

Malia wrinkled her nose.

"Well. At least they don't want me to learn math."