The Cape Rouge, Somewhere, Veeeery Early Wednesday Morning

[okteiviakom]

The nightmares were back.

They always came back, so Octavia probably shouldn't have felt as disappointed about it as she did. Suppose she should've even been grateful that at least she hadn't woken up in a full panic, this time. Just uncomfortable. And uncomfortable hadn't been enough to immediately wake up the other people in bed.

She'd slipped away quietly, doing her best not to disturb them.

And now she was out on the deck, standing by the gunwale, wrapped up in a blanket. Watching the full moon reflect off the water, trying to find some steady ground - well, metaphorically speaking, anyway. The ship swayed slowly under her untied boots, and that was a welcome thing.

The dreams were still echoing around her skull. The pit, as always. Ilian. Bellamy. Blodreina.

Butterflies, burning.

Octavia drew in a slow breath, and tipped her head back on the exhale, looking up at the sky.

[ooc: NFB due to distance, but open if her fellow boat-dwellers want.]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded again.

"What if she's gone?" he asked. "Or a raccoon again or --"

They'd been making a good thing, and in Duke's experience, good things didn't last.

[my_own_advocate]

"We're miles from Fandom," Lucifer said. "You do know Octavia. It's much more likely she snuck out of bed to brood."

[betterthanaplan]

"Right. Yep. Makes sense. My heart will just drop back down to a normal speed any minute now."

When in doubt, turn it into a joke. That was basically the rule by which Duke lived his life.

"I'll check on deck, then. That's where she likes to, uh. Brood."

[my_own_advocate]

"You do that," Lucifer said, and patted his arm gently. "I'll join you when the coffee is done."

[betterthanaplan]

Another slow, deep breath, another nod. And then Duke was ducking out the door, pausing just long enough to grab a blanket to take with him.

Why did Octavia have to always have her fleeing-from-the-nightmare moments when it was so cold out?

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer shook his head, muttered a curse aimed at the hour under his breath, and somehow managed to find where he'd left his robe before heading out into the galley.

[okteiviakom]

It was because Octavia fled into the cold. On purpose. Sometimes, she needed something bigger than herself, something stronger than herself, to dull the roar of her nightmares.

She was still there, looking up at the sky, so vast and silent and immovable above her.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke's breath wooshed right out of him in relief at seeing her there.

"Hey," he called softly, not wanting to startle her. He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and came over to stand behind her, also looking up. "They're always so much brighter out here."

Far from any light pollution.

[okteiviakom]

"Almost like the Ground," Octavia murmured. Well, no light pollution there. Not surprising, probably. "Silver on black velvet."

That was an older image. One she'd told him about, before, then shown him when they'd been sharing memories: her first - and only - moonrise.

[betterthanaplan]

"I can't imagine how hard it was," Duke said, voice low, as he shifted to wrap his arms and the blanket around her shoulders. "In the bunker. Not being able to see them."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia needed absolutely no encouragement to press back into him as soon as he was wrapping her up.

She hummed a vague response. "There was a lot I couldn't see, down there."

(There were faint tear streaks on one of her cheeks. She hoped he wouldn't bring it up, even if he noticed.)

[betterthanaplan]

It was too dark for him to see them. He figured she had some big emotions happening anyway, if she'd run out here.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

[okteiviakom]

"Not really," Octavia muttered. But it wasn't quite same as saying she wouldn't, though. "Had nightmares again."

She'd been sleeping well on this trip so far, but nothing lasted forever.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a soft sigh. "Suppose those were never going to stay away long."

He'd noticed how well she'd been sleeping, yeah.

[okteiviakom]

"They never do," Octavia said, finally resting her head back against his shoulder. "Those first couple of years on Fandom, sometimes I'd go long stretches without them."

Guess it had gone with the way her life had stabilized, somewhat. For a while.

"But that was then."

[betterthanaplan]

"You didn't wake me up," Duke observed. "Not sure if that means they're getting easier or if I'm just getting better at sleeping through them."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's voice was quiet. "Wasn't one of the bad ones."

They were all bad ones.

But, you know.

[betterthanaplan]

"They're all bad ones," Duke said, resting his chin on her head and closing his eyes. Now that he knew she was safe and not missing, sleep was beckoning in the back of his head again. "Lucifer's getting us some coffee."

[okteiviakom]

There was a small pause.

Then Octavia's voice sounded softer. Smaller. "Lucifer's up, too?"

And she'd been so careful about leaving the bed.

[betterthanaplan]

"It's my fault," Duke said ruefully. "When I noticed you were gone I kind of." Panicked. "Didn't take it super well. I might have thought you got portal-napped again."

[okteiviakom]

"Oh."

Yeah, she really hadn't thought of that when she'd left. Now, it seemed so... obvious.

The guilt that followed was a familiar feeling.

"Moba."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke snorted. "Not your fault I have a hair trigger."

[okteiviakom]

Didn't matter.

"I know vanishing's a... thing, between us," Octavia muttered. "I should know better."

[betterthanaplan]

"Luce talked me down," Duke assured her. "Do you want me to let you, uh, 'brood' in peace? His word, not mine."

[okteiviakom]

"I'm not brooding," Octavia said, mildly. She didn't know what really counted as brooding, anyway.

One of her hands emerged from beneath both the blankets, and wiped her cheek.