The Deck of the Cape Rouge, Wednesday Afternoon

[okteiviakom]

Octavia was starting to feel like she was on a slightly more even keel, post-Haven. Things with Duke were still... maybe a little off, but, they were working on that, bit by bit. And while she hadn't really managed to unpack everything with her therapist yet, she'd at least opened up about some of it.

Things were moving forward.

And this afternoon, Octavia herself was moving. Specifically, on her yoga mat rolled out on the deck of the Rouge. It wasn't super warm out, but that was fine.

It felt like she could breathe.

[ooc: Open! ETA: NFB on all the sex talk, pls and thank you!]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"Then at least some of what you've done these past few years is what you actually want, isn't it?" Lucifer asked quietly.

[betterthanaplan]

"I came to Fandom because . . . I don't know, I guess I was supposed to. I had a job here before I even heard of the place."

Sorry, Luce, Duke was having a very weird free-will-versus-fate crisis. Thanks to the intrusively kinky lady.

[my_own_advocate]

"But you didn't have to stay," Lucifer pointed out. "You never stayed before."

[betterthanaplan]

“Then what made me stay?”

[my_own_advocate]

"Maybe you just wanted to," Lucifer pointed out.

He wasn't used to being on this end of the 'God is manipulating me' debate.

[betterthanaplan]

"Or maybe, I'm just . . . really manipulatable."

He kind of was. At least he was starting to understand that about himself?

[my_own_advocate]

"Yes, but that doesn't mean everything you do is caused by some kind of manipulation." Was that stress sneaking into Lucifer's voice? "It's not as if you're with us because of some kind of manipulation."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke wanted to believe that. And he recognized, even in the throes of his existential crisis, that Lucifer needed to believe that.

“Yeah,” he said softly, rolling onto his side to face Lucifer. “Yeah, of course.”

[my_own_advocate]

When the last person you'd fallen for was literally made for you by your father, you did tend to get touchy about that sort of thing.

Lucifer sighed. "I'm not saying you don't have a tendency to minimize your own needs in favor of those of people you care about," he said. "But I try very hard to get you to say what you want because I don't want that for you." He sighed. "Linda says being in a healthy relationship is sharing without losing yourself."

[betterthanaplan]

"Well. There you go. That's what I don't know how to do, then."

[my_own_advocate]

"You're working on it," Lucifer said. "And we want to help you."

[betterthanaplan]

“And then I listen and end up the ‘subbiest sub’,” Duke grumbled. “Shit. I just. Wish I knew where the line is.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer reached for-- he'd go with the normal scotch, sure. "Where it starts hurting you, I suppose," he said. "I... remember the first time you admitted to having an issue with the sex pollen."

[betterthanaplan]

“Ah yes. My weeklong meltdown when I tried to break up with Octavia.”

[my_own_advocate]

"I remember," Lucifer said, a little firmer, "having to talk you out of staying just because you felt you should be staying because-- what, you thought you'd be inconveniencing people?"

[betterthanaplan]

“Fuck ifI know,” Duke said. “Maybe I just thought I should be able to handle it.”

He still thought he should be better at handling all of this. Like he should be absolutely unflappable.

[my_own_advocate]

"That's a place where the line is," Lucifer said. "Or... well, a dot, I suppose. To connect to other dots."

[betterthanaplan]

“I felt like I was going to shake apart.”

Hadn’t he used a similar description to Linda not long ago?

[my_own_advocate]

"And you were trying to push yourself to do what you thought everyone expected of you instead."

[betterthanaplan]

“Yeah,” Duke said. “And when I don’t. . . .”

People told him to knock it off.

[my_own_advocate]

"And when you don't what?" Lucifer asked.

[betterthanaplan]

“Someone’s always around, telling me I should.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Even here?" Lucifer said, frowning.

[betterthanaplan]

That just got Lucifer a Look.

He'd just told him he shouldn't wander off, and then followed him in here when he went to take a nap.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's eyes went wide.

"...I'm sorry," he said. "I just thought-- that you'd feel worse if you were alone."