The Samsara, Port of Fandom, Tuesday Evening

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had left for the mainland pretty early, much earlier than had really been necessary for her appointment. Had returned pretty late, too. She'd spent most of her day after therapy in Baltimore, first visiting the swim center again, then just... walking, with no real destination. She'd visited some shops, bought lunch.

Bought a pair of earbuds on a whim for her phone.

Immediately regretted it after it turned out she couldn't stand to walk around feeling like someone could sneak up on her.

And then, as the sun was setting, she'd finally come back to the island. Maybe a little more settled, maybe a little more understanding of the thing Duke had said yesterday to set her off. A lot drained. She'd gone to the Rouge first, but had found it empty. (Not that that was surprising: she knew what day this was.) She'd gone back and forth on staying, for a while, to wait for them, but ultimately decided not to.

It just felt like too much. With everything.

And the Samsara was small and quiet and manageable. Nothing but her, and her thoughts, stretched out on her bed, alone. Her phone on her chest, playing a song.

Over and over and over again.

(And no, she didn't know that there was a text still hanging in the ether, trying to get through.)

[ooc: Open, if you dare.]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

Duke dared. Mostly because Duke had had some bourbon at the club and was feeling slightly more mellow right now because of it.

And, well. It did kind of suck that he never really went over to her boat, didn't it. Even if he told himself it was because he was 'trying to give her space'. She shouldn't always have to come to him.

He rapped on the gunwale, not planning to climb on board without an invitation of some kind, and then stuck his hands in his pockets and waited.

Wondering if he should have tried to bring some kind of peace offering along.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia thought she heard something, over the music. She muted the phone, listened.

Sometimes it was just porgs playing around, though by this hour most of them had long since settled down for the night.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke didn't notice the music until it stopped. He'd only been able to hear it faintly through the hull, anyway. He swallowed, taking a moment to second guess himself, then reached out to knock again.

If the music came back on . . . he'd go home. She had asked for space this time, after all. He should be respecting that, right?

[okteiviakom]

More taken, less asked, really.

But yes.

And that was definitely a knock. Octavia got up from the bed, slowly. Maybe it was Lucifer. (She knew it wasn't Lucifer. Lucifer would have been louder.) She crossed the little cabin.

She opened the hatch. Poked her head out, and saw him.

"Duke."

It was mild, maybe faintly wary. Mostly just tired. It didn't sound angry, or annoyed, and maybe that was the most important thing.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke flashed her a quick, there-and-gone-again smile. "Hey."

And then he had no idea what to say next. (Maybe he should have brought along some of that bourbon.)

[okteiviakom]

Octavia watched him for a long moment.

Then, when it became clear he wasn't going to be coughing up any more words, she half-suppressed a sigh, and asked, "Do you want to come aboard?"

[betterthanaplan]

Did she want him to come aboard? (This wasn't a trap. Octavia didn't do traps like that. Right?)

"Um. Sure." He flicked her another tiny smile and slowly stepped onto the deck. "I, uh." don't get in trouble don't get in trouble "I wanted to apologize. For real this time."

[okteiviakom]

That was a good start.

Even if Octavia said nothing about it immediately. Just beckoned him to follow her, then disappeared down into the cabin.

[betterthanaplan]

Well. The beckoning hopefully answered the ‘did she want him to’ question.

Duke followed her in, his hands all but glued into his pockets. He opened his mouth to spew some small talk inanity, then snapped it shut again and looked for a spot to settle. Something that wasn’t to presumptuous, but didn’t make him look like he was waiting for a chance to flee.

[okteiviakom]

Like he was going to get to choose that for himself. (Like there were that many options to begin with.) Octavia had already sat down on one side of the dining table, and was giving him a mildly expectant look.

Her phone lay abandoned on the rumpled-looking bed, probably betraying where she'd been before he'd shown up.

[betterthanaplan]

Right. Well. That made that slightly easier.

He sat down and spent a minute folding and refilling his hands on the table. He stared at them for a moment, then looked up at her.

“I’m sorry.”

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah," Octavia said, after a short moment of just watching him. "I'm sorry, too."

Figured she should get that out there right off the bat. Even while she was still not sure he understood what had happened - he'd already apologized yesterday, but it hadn't felt like it had enough weight behind it. He meant it, sure, but did he get what he was apologizing for?

Actually...

"For not just telling you why I was feeling hurt right when it happened," she continued. Another small pause. "And not being able to figure out why you... offered what you offered."

A beat.

"I think I've got it, now."

[betterthanaplan]

That was good. She offered him a template. After talking with Lucifer, he wasn't sure how to say this at all without sounding like he was throwing another self-pity party.

His mom used to do that. And he was desperate not to end up like her.

"Thanks," he said, half-croak. "I hope so. But I'm sorry for saying it, anyway. And for -- the other thing. For. . . ." He took a long breath. "For throwing your hurt back in your face like that. Saying you'd reject me either way. You're working so hard on yourself, and I'm." He pressed his hands to his mouth. "I'm afraid to even start trying again."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded, slowly.

(Swallowed down a sudden lump in her throat.)

And then just as slowly slid one hand towards him, across the table.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke didn't reach back right away. He watched her hand move, his own loose on the table top, neither reaching nor pulling away.

He felt like a raw nerve, and wasn't sure what would happen when he touched her again. But she was reaching, and in the end, however much it scared him just then, he couldn't not reach back.

So he did. Slower, even, than she did. Hesitant and shy in a way only she could make him feel.

[okteiviakom]

The moment he wasn't reaching back was excruciating.

And then he did. And Octavia took the lead as their hands met, her fingertips grazing feather-light against his fingertips, down his fingers, over his palm.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke swallowed down hard, but couldn't entirely stop the small, hurt noise in the back of his throat.

"I'm not okay," he said softly. "I haven't been for a really long time."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's hand closed around his. A firmer, tighter touch.

"I know."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke curled his fingers around hers carefully. "I don't know how to handle it. And I don't want you two to have to. But -- Lucifer says pretending just hurts him more."

[okteiviakom]

"He's not wrong," Octavia said. Sure, Lucifer had talked about himself, but...

She gave his fingers a squeeze.

"We're not going to buy it, anyway."

[betterthanaplan]

“Yeah.” Duke swiped his free hand across his eyes. “Anyway, this isn’t — I’m not here about me. I just needed to apologize. Let you know I know I fucked up.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded again. It was as slow as it had been before.

But her voice was quieter. "Think we need to talk about yesterday a little more."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah." Duke nodded back, just as slow. "I'd, uh. I'd like that."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded again.

She was just trying to be reassuring.

She was quiet for the length of - one, two, three breaths, before she spoke again. "You were thinking about the time I was in the guest room," she said. Softer, now. "Right?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah," Duke said. "Lucifer pointed out later that that -- it wasn't actually after your latest session."