MCA #9, Saturday Noon

[okteiviakom]

Of course Octavia didn't have a key. What she did have were semi-rusty skills at picking locks. She'd practiced, down in the bunker, and taught it to Niylah in the early years, but it had been a while. Duke could've done it faster, but she insisted on doing it herself.

Took longer, but she did it, then straightened up with her hand against the door - and paused, instead off opening it, instead of marching right in.

This'd be just fine, right?

It was just an apartment.

[ooc: For that one guy, pls.]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

What he said probably made sense, but was she still trying to reach for the hi-hat with very similar intentions?

You bet.

[betterthanaplan]

"Okay, okay." Duke rested his hand on the hi-hat. "Just -- just think for a minute, okay? You might want these later."

[okteiviakom]

"Why?"

So everything her could keep feeling like knives in her chest?

The anguish in her face was turning into anger. But if he was trying to block her from attacking the drums, fine. She turned and went for the bookcase instead, intending to tear everything down.

[betterthanaplan]

"Because it won't hurt forever!" Duke said, quick and loud. He reached for her arm, softening his tone. "It won't. And when it stops, you might want the reminder."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia shook his hand off her arm, but she stopped.

And then she screamed.

It was a wild, raw sound that tapered off into a sob.

[betterthanaplan]

"Okay." Duke wanted to grab her, wrap her up in a blanket and hold her together, but worried she might react violently if he did. "Okay, good. Let it out. Good."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia reacted with violence anyway, but the shove to get him further away was uncoordinated and flaily and not very forceful at all.

Then she spun around and tore the sheets off the bed. Tried to rend the fabric into pieces with her bare hands.

Her breathing was nothing but gasps and strangled sobs.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke rocked back with it, but followed close on her heels anyway. "Tavi. Tavi, hey, look at me." He reached for her again. "Please, just talk to me."

[okteiviakom]

He sounded like her ears were underwater again. Octavia kept trying to tear the sheet. Something needed to be under her control.

But her vision was starting to blur.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke did grab her this time, arms looping around her waist, gentle but firm. "Hey," he said again. "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Talk to me. What do you need?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia made a pained noise, and automatically struggled against his hold.

Just not enough to actually break out of the circle of his arms. She could've done it easily if she'd actually wanted to.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke knew that. So he held steady, pressing his head into her shoulder. "I got you," he said. "You're okay. I got you."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia was still gripping the sheet in both fists, far too tight.

"She's not coming back," she gasped as the first tear actually broke free. Not that she felt it. "She's not coming back, Duke."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke hung on, his heart breaking with every word. "I know, I know. It's okay to miss her."

[okteiviakom]

"Your Tavi's dead, Duke."

If she'd felt any less crushed, she would've held that back. Her voice sounded strained.

"I'm all that's left."

And she didn't know what she was without a war, without Wonkru to lead.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke swallowed hard, his hands clamping down in response. "No."

He took a deep breath, reminding himself that one of them needed to keep their shit together.

"You changed, Tavi. It was seven years, of course you did. And that's okay."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had not had her shit together for a very long time now.

"But changed into what?"

[betterthanaplan]

"I don't know." Duke admitted. "Not yet. But I want to. I want to know you again, Tavi. Please, let me know you."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia swallowed. "You're not going to like who you'll find."

Let alone love her.

[betterthanaplan]

“Not possible,” Duke said, slowly stroking her hair. “It’s you.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's sob sounded pained, and a shudder ran through her.

"Bell doesn't think so."

[betterthanaplan]

“Yeah well.” Fuck bell. “I’m not Bell.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia squirmed helplessly in his arm. Another faint, feigned attempt at getting away.

She still couldn't bear to look up at him. "He wished I was dead." And now her voice sounded small, and she hated it. "Doesn't that worry you?"

Because it worried her. Bellamy hadn't understood, so why would he?

[betterthanaplan]

“Only about Bell. Whatever you did, you had to. I believe that with all my heart.”

[okteiviakom]

And now her voice was just quiet.

"I did what was necessary for my people." Yes, 'my people'. She'd finally ended up with that over the years away. "Omon gon oson."