okteiviakom | The Samsara, Port of Fandom, Saturday Morning

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The Samsara, Port of Fandom, Saturday Morning

Last night had been okay. The margaritas had been tasty, and Octavia had acquiesced to Lucifer's request of not letting him go home alone by dragging him back to her boat with her at the end of the night. She'd passed out hard not too long after because, again, tasty margaritas.

Of course, now it was morning, and she was finally stirring again.

And the muffled little groan was almost immediate.

Goddamn margaritas.

[ooc: For the Devil, unless the neighbour wants to drop by too! ETA: NSFW downthread!]

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"But you still let me," Lucifer said, his fingertips skimming along her cheek.

"Maybe that part's not in charge."

Anymore.

Nou Blodreina nawe.

"It felt like letting you and not letting you at the same time."

"Until the end," Lucifer mused.

"I don't know," Octavia muttered, turning her face a little more against his chest, with a sigh. "Nothing holds me like that."

Bound her like that.

"You are rather strong," Lucifer said softly. "Perhaps you were trying to figure out which way you wanted to go..."

"Maybe another part just wanted to be made to feel small."

Oh, that was quiet.

"Oh," Lucifer said softly.

When had he started petting her hair? Somewhere halfway into that sentence.

That was a welcome thing.

"And there's not a lot that can do that," Octavia said. "In a way that feels real. So maybe it... saw something that could, and grabbed onto that."

This was some A+ distancing herself from her own feelings. But sometimes that was an easier way to sort through them.

"You seemed like you'd needed it," Lucifer mused, glancing up at the ceiling. "Afterward."

"Mmm."

She let that hum just sit there, alone, for a moment.

"I did, didn't I?"

Lucifer glanced down at her.

"Like you'd needed it for a while," he said slowly.

Octavia's eyes were open, but she was very deliberately not looking up at him.

"I felt lighter."

Somehow that felt like the weirdest part.

Lucifer hummed softly. "Being in control all of the time can be a heavy burden," he said.

"Thought I gave that up on my last day on the Ground," Octavia muttered, "when I knelt for the new commander."

But she really hadn't, had she? After she'd landed back in Fandom, she'd kept trying to hold herself in because she was the only thing she could really control anymore.

Lucifer made a soft noise of acknowledgement, and leaned forward to press a kiss to the top of her head.

Octavia was just keeping her voice very, very quiet now.

"I don't think the angry part likes that I want to do it again."

Or that it felt like something right on the edge of a want and a need.

"But you do," he took away from that, quietly.

"Yeah."

She wasn't proud.

(But not exactly ashamed, either. It was just an all-around weird thing.)

"I can do that," Lucifer said, still stroking her hair slowly. "When it makes sense for you."

He smiled a little.

"And if your angry side wants to get involved, she can fight me."

He didn't know why his voice went a little wobbly in the middle of that sentence.

Octavia didn't know, either. Just that it made something feel a little fragile in her chest.

She tried for a lighter tone, but largely failed. "That's all she wants to do."

As he'd already seen.

"Well," Lucifer murmured, "She can try."

Octavia nodded against his chest. "And fail."

Maybe that was the point?

She suspected that was the point. But that was one of those things she couldn't quite bring herself to say.

"Yes," Lucifer said, giving her a small squeeze.

Octavia finally tried wrapping her own arm around him. As best as she could, considering she was lying halfway on top of him, so - not very.

And she murmured her words into the skin of his chest.

"I love you."

Lucifer sucked in a breath.

It wasn't the first time she'd said that, of course. It still made him feel inadequate, and incapable.

But he didn't say that, because he found neither of those feelings useful, and it wasn't like she could see his eyes as he stared at the wall behind her.

So he kissed the top of her head again, and cupped her cheek.

That was more important, anyway.

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